How to Improve Yourself after a Break-Up

by Anonymous

Okay, so the break-up is real. It’s finally happened. Now, it’s time to focus on YOU. Too often relationship advice only comes for those in the middle of the relationship and very little time is spent in consideration of those who have just gotten out of a relationship who need to work on themselves before entering into something new. Well, guess what? This is that kind of relationship advice article, so let’s get you to be the best you we can!

The very first step in improving yourself after a break-up is to simply realize that relationship is over. I know it sounds simple enough, but unfortunately for many people, this is the hardest part of the "moving on" process. Don’t kid yourself and think that you and the ex can be friends. You absolutely 100% CANNOT, so don’t even try it.

Maybe one day, years from now, when the two of you have settled into your new lives that don’t involve each other, you can maturely chat over coffee about life, but that’s a long, long way into the future. For the time being, all the two of you will end up doing is fake being nice to each other for a while before you end up taking out all your pent-up frustrations on each other, which will lead either to angry fights or drunken sex, neither of which will be beneficial to either of your processes toward self-improvement. Your best bet to achieve this first step is to cut off communication with your ex as exclusively as possible for an extended period of time—three to six months minimum.

Okay, so now it’s really over and you’re starting to get that now that you and the ex are no longer talking and/or seeing each other on a regular basis, and the longer this goes on, the easier it will be to break the relationship pattern your body and mind have become accustomed to. The second thing to do is to now take the time to focus on that person you see in the mirror every day. No, I’m not talking about Bloody Mary! Seriously, stop spinning around in a dark bathroom by yourself—it is really not healthy. No, of course, I am talking about you, and the next major thing you need to avoid in order to improve yourself is jumping into another relationship! Don’t do it!

No matter what you try to tell yourself, you are not ready for dating again period, let alone, starting another relationship. But don’t worry, no one is. People try to trick themselves into believing that they’re ready for dating immediately after a break-up, but in reality, they’re only either trying to seek out some sort of revenge on their ex, or absolutely terrified of being alone. Either way, consciously or not, you are, in fact, using that other person, and not only is that morally inappropriate, it will only hinder your own personal development.

If you move from one relationship to another without examining yourself and determining the best course of action in your life to make you the best version of yourself you can possibly be, you will simply continue to repeat the same poor patterns over and over again, which will inevitably either lead to another break-up… or even worse, you will find yourself trapped in a terrible relationship, never allowing either one of you to grow and achieve true happiness.

Okay, so to recap:

1) Your ex cannot be your friend following a break-up. You must realize with all your heart and your mind that the relationship is over. Find the space for yourself, even if that means cutting off contact completely for an extended period of time (three to six months minimum).

2) Do not start dating again after a break-up. You must find time to look into improving yourself and you cannot do that if there is another person taking up all the intimate time you have to spare. Starting any kind of new relationship immediately following a break-up will only hinder your own personal growth.

Got it? Good. If not, start working on it, and will continue the process in "How to Improve Yourself after a Break-Up, Part II…"